Blue Skies, Sunshine, and Butterflies

Some songs have a deeper meaning to some of us than others......

"Why'd I have to go and be a fool again?
Why'd I have to go and make a big thing out of nothing"

 ~Had It All by Katharine McPhee

Why do I do the things I do? Why am I so foolish? And sometimes I just get all worked up over nothing and it can destroy my relationships.  I guess I'm just really insecure about change.  I'm scared that if I let something change I might not like it's income and I'll regret it forever.

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"He put it on me, I put it on,

Like there was nothing wrong.

It didn't fit,

It wasn't right.

Wasn't just the size.

They say you know,

When you know.

I don't know."

This refers to a date I had.  I felt like we were rushing into it.  The week before the date I had pondered and pondered over it (this is where the 'big thing out of nothing' comes from.) and when we got to the date I decided I try to give him a chance.  But afterwards, it felt like we didn't click.  I was all wrong for him. And anymore, I wonder if I hadn't pondered and analyzed it to death could we have worked out? "I don't know..." But this is how I felt:

"I didn't feel

The fairytale feeling, no.

Am I a stupid girl

For even dreaming that I could."

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Snow white said when I was young,

"One day my prince will come."

So I wait for that date.

They say its hard to meet your match,

Find my better half.

So we make perfect shapes.

If stars don't align,

If it doesn't stop time,

If you cant see the sign,

Wait for it."

~Not Like The Movies by Katy Perry

So here I am waiting.  And it is hard to find your match.  Anymore, we pick suitors and we convert them into what we see are 'perfect shapes'.  But that can't work for me.  I have to have someone who is naturally my match. Someone that is themself, but just right for me.  I feel like this will be hard. So I guess have to wait.  Or should I wait?

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"And I want a moment to be real.."

I don't want a temporary moment anymore. I'm tired of having to be happy one minute and to be miserable the next.  Why can't that wonderful moment last?  Why must sadness follow?



"And how can the world want me to change

They're the ones that stay the same

They don't know me.."

People tell me all the time to" fix this, stop doing that, you can't do that because this is how it's done..." and I'm getting tired of it.  You want to change then start with yourself.  I'm can't be everything you want me to be.  I'm trying to be a better person, but I'm not perfect!  You really don't know me so stop trying to act like you do.

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"And you see the things they never see..."

"Now you know me and I'm not afraid

And I wanna tell you who I am"

This is to all my close friends really understand my views.  But there are things that you don't know about me.  And I want to tell you exactly what those things are, but you might think I'm weak and strange. I'm scared that if I tell you I might be to vurnerable.

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"They can't tell me who to be

'Cause I'm not what they see

Yeah the world is still sleepin

While I keep on dreamin for me

And their words are just whispers and lies

That I'll never believe..."

~I'm Still Here John Rzeznik



I'm going to ignore those who tell me to be someone I'm not.  I may be weak, but not enough to be a stranger to myself and allow myself to become someone else.  I won't stand for it.  Maybe some people aren't at this realization, but I'm going to make my own way into this world.  I can only hope that I can fly away from here and find that perpetual moment that I've been reaching for.

~Ally-Cat